Sunday, August 10, 2014

Is it possible to fall in love with someone without being in a relationship? It's possible but no. In my experiences, personally no.If you say yes, you need to ask yourself what it is exactly you are falling in love with.

           There are levels of intimacy that can't be reached through friendship. There are character traits we can't see as just friends, but are very important in a long lasting relationship.

Is this person patient with you? When you make a mistake how do they handle it? If you have a disagreement do they scream, yell and curse or do they try to compromise? What about understanding? Girls, today are career women. Will the guy be understanding of her schedule and not harass (or complain) her to spend time with him? What if she has a child, will he understand that her child comes first?

Let me break it down.

 Romantic: Sure romance may not be necessary, but you would like some thought into birthday, Christmas, anniversary and random day gifts and outings. At some point you'll want some level of romance.

Temper: How does he handle problems? Some guys are on their best behavior when courting a female, but once together they'll throw tantrums (amongst other things) It's very important to know how he handles his anger, because it may lead to physical abuse down the road, especially if he likes to resolve disputes with violence. How does he handle arguments with you? How doe she handle problems with others? Is he a problem starter or problem solver? This is important to me, because some guys like to escalate small problems. Turn them into a huge issue. I can come up with a million examples but so can you so try to remember a time someone got mad for something minor and insignificant. Will he be the same way or will he try to come up with a solution? Nothing annoys me more about men than trying to resolve every problem with violence.

Compromise: A good one. Couples will disagree on many things, it happens, same way friends disagree on things as well. Will he compromise? Compromising means sacrificing a little. You both need to give up a little to reach an agreement. Will he simply spend his time arguing his side or will he suggest a way to avoid arguing with you so you can both be happy?

Then there's the others like is he caring, loving, affectionate, thoughtful and my other big one...

Is he happy to have you as his girlfriend? Okay not a character trait, but it is important. I had a girlfriend once who was ashamed to be seen with me in public. As friends it wasn't an issue because she had no romantic connection, but holding hands in public was out along with everything else. We seemed more like a couple as friends than as an actual couple! Will he be the same? Actually in this case the question should be asked to females since they seem to care way more than they should about what others think.

Patience: A favorite of mine as well. If there is one thing people need it's patience. Too many people "snap" at you over dumb things and it's one of the reasons couples argue so much. They lack a tremendous amount of patience and it takes a lot of it to maintain a successful relationship.

 Faithfulness: Will this guy be faithful? You won't be able to tell if the guy is faithful unless you are with him.

Communication: The reason most couples fight. Lack of communication. People don't like to talk things out in a calm way these days. Yelling is a form of communication however it doesn't solve anything and it's the worse kind. You should feel comfortable with a guy who you can talk quietly about your problems with, who will listen and consider your point of view. You need to do the same. Don't let anger fester. If you can't talk to him about something that bothers you this will be a huge problem. You should have a Full House type boyfriend not a Jerry Springer guy.

Love: Will he love you? Will he show that he loves you? At the end of the day we all want one thing, to be loved....BACK!

Family: To some females family approval means a lot. As friends you don't need family approval. As a couple you hope your boyfriend and family get along. There's nothing worse than excluding your partner from family events. If my family takes a one day trip to some city I'd like my girlfriend to come with. I'm sure you'd like the same with your boyfriend. They don't need to get along like a long lost son or become bff's. but if they can respect each other enough and find some common ground  then all should be okay.

Point is that it is virtually impossible to know these things about a guy unless you are in a relationship. Some of these you may find out as friends but you may not spend that much time alone with the person to find out.

Friday, July 25, 2014

Now this just pets my peeve

For ages gays have tried to become accepted in mainstream hollywood and gain the support of everyone. Well, it seems they have gone so far the other direction that now anyone that speaks against them is declared the enemy.

Nelsan Willis quit True Blood because his character would be involved in a relationship with another man.

I've never seen the show, but from what I saw of Willis from the show, his character had "gay clues" written all over it. However, maybe like me, he had no problem playing a gay character but just doesn't want to be in a relationship with a guy. I get it why don't they?

Some critics say Willis should have known this was coming considering the show has had LGBT front and center. In fairness how is he supposed to know that? I reiterate my point in that playing a homosexual may not be the problem. It's having to touch another man, caress another man and kiss another man where he and lots of people draw the line.

Mind you Willis is also a Christian.

According to VP of Business an Culture at the Media Research Center Willis' career will suffer now and many will label him as unprofessional and a phobe."

Isn't that typical? You stand up for your beliefs and get labeled for it.

If a person does not want to do a nude scene it's ok, but a person doesn't want to play a "bisexual character" they get labeled and it may cost their career?

Sad. Do we really have freedom of religion? Some students have to quit school because of college classes given on their day of worship and now acting careers are on the line. Interesting. Gays stand up for their rights and get rewarded, Christians stand up for their rights and get punished. My how much we've changed.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Cover-Girl-Cancer-Surviver-tdy-talia-castellanOriginally posted on 7/16/2013

First I want to clarify that this is not a blog bashing her. This is more in reference to everyone else. I just heard of Talia today and have nothing bad to say about her. All I know is she was a driven girl with dreams, who fought cancer the best she could. I have seen photos all over Facebook stating that she died on this day. I felt bad and sad for her and her family, but then i read the comments. My opinion changed. Why so much support and sadness for this girl? Is it because she's a cancer victim? Maybe, but not that much. Is it because she made Youtube makeup tutorials? No, because many people have them and don't get much attention. (she got attention because well, she's 13 and bald due to Chemo. Hey if it works to your advantage, why not?) The reason so many people are sad is because this is a 13 year old with talent (for makeup) and was taken away from us at such a young age. And yes partially because of cancer. I believe all kids have talent, some just discover it before others. She had a lot of spirit in her too. I do feel bad that a life was lost too, I can also understand why so many people are sad, but I feel even worse for other cancer victims that have died or even survived and go unnoticed. They are probably watching the news at home or in a hospital struggling after chemo thinking "Oh I guess I'm not good enough to talk about. I'm not special enough." Ok maybe they aren't saying that, but I would if i had cancer. It reminds me of how someone else gets praise for doing the same work you do, the only difference between you and the is that they are younger. That would offend me. They go through the same struggles, but no one cares, at least on the media and internet. Why is the media giving her so much attention? Her looks. regardless of age, the media loves a pretty face and Talia had one. it's by no surprise every person that has some kind of disease that ends up on TV is in some way attractive and mostly female. So we know the media's agenda, what about the people? I find the comments to be a bit hypocritical also because many of these people critique children who wear makeup and Talia wore a lot of it. All of a sudden here is a child with makeup and they don't say a word about it and why not? Because she had cancer.They don't say anything out of respect. I don't think it's right to only respect kids with life threatening diseases. I also don't think it's fair for us to praise these kids struggling as if the adults are not.  Let's not just support one person with a special story attached to them. Let's support all cancer victims and survivors. Again I have no problem with Talia, a young girl with tremendous talent.

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Originally posted on 7/23/2013
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...or acquitted if you want to use the technical term.

Before we start tossing around racial insults. Let's look at the very few facts we know. What I know is that yes, Zimmerman was wrong in assuming Treyvon was up to no good, and yes Zimmerman was wrong to follow him, but if he had any intentions of killing Treyvon because he was black or whatever reason, he could have done it earlier. Treyvon had his back turned, Zimmerman could have easily shot him in the back. Zimmerman also had visible wounds confirming what witnesses saw or heard (a struggle) To me that means Zimmerman did not initiate the fight. If you had a gun on you and had intentions to kill, why would you get into a fight with that person? To me it's wasted energy.

According to Rachel Jeantel, she said she heard Treyvon ask Zimmerman what he was doing following him and Zimmerman asked what Treyvon was doing, then the brawl began. We do NOT know who threw the first punch. What is assumed is that Zimmerman approached Treyvon to question him, an act that only police officers or security guards should do, then Treyvon possibly, already being angry with Zimmerman for following him, became defensive. Again that is what is assumed happened. I've seen alot of people say the justice system is a joke. In fairness this was a very tough case for the prosecution. They had very little evidence (if any) to work with and their job was to convince the jury without reasonable doubt that Zimmerman killed Treyvon for the heck of it.

It had more to do with the case then the system.

On a side note: I was watching Rachel Jeantel in court, the female that was on the phone with Treyvon, and if you ask me.....the court needs speakers, a hearing aid or something. Are they deaf? Then some people saying they don't understand? Come on I understood her perfectly and despite what many say on TV it isn't how her culture talks (that in itself is racism), it's slang, almost every young person uses that language. In my opinion she gave a believable testimony, but the constant repeating she had to make, due to deaf ears, slight hesitations, lying about going to his funeral out of guilt and her demeanor changing during cross examination (she became frustrated and impatient) cost her. The defense team did what they had to do, they rattled her. They brought out time stamps of the events of the phone calls and laid it all out pretty well making Rachel seem uncredible. That's what a defense team does, that's why the get paid the big bucks. The prosecution has to prove without a reasonable doubt that Treyvon was murdered (they couldn't prove it) All the defense team has to do is dissect that theory and they did. They don't have to prove anything else. They just have to prove that Zimmerman did not kill anyone in a cold blooded way. The doctors they brought in proved Treyvon was on top of Zimmerman and align that with the laws of Florida, the jury had doubts and if they have doubts they can't vote on murder. We will never know the truth on what happened, even if Treyvon were alive, because as in every altercation the stories are different. What we do know, weather we agree with it or not, by law in the state of Florida George Zimmerman, based on testimony, evidence, experts etc, is innocent. Credit to a good defense team and a very bad case for prosecutor.
couple problems3-saidaonline There are two types of communication. The physical (i.e. texting, facebook chatting etc) and then there's emotional kind (expressing your feelings.)

First I want to say, if you are friends with someone and develop feelings for them, but you barely hear from that person, they don't text you or call you or Facebook you and you haven't had a real conversation with them (or maybe you have but hasn't happened in a while) then you probably shouldn't be with that person just yet. If they are quiet now, chances are you'll feel like you're dating yourself once you get in a relationship. You probably wont hear much from them and you'll wonder why you're with them. That may not be the case for everyone, but communication as friends is very important.

A conversationalist with a sense of humor is the best thing you can find cough.... It is important to be with someone who you can easily talk to about anything and know they will actually listen and respond in a respectful manner.

 I've been in all types of relationships where if I accidentally offend her, she shuts down. I ask her what's wrong, she says nothing and ignores me while she's away. That kind of attitude tells me she's not ready to open up, that she's not the type to discuss her feelings. That will lead to major communication problems later on.

Some guys get accused of being "girly," in the sense that he likes to talk his problems out, likes to calmly fix any relationship issues. That is not being feminine at all, that is simply being mature. It's like a math problem. In school you are taught how to solve an equation, you stick with it until you find the answer no matter how long it takes, if you skip it you fail. Relationship problems are similar in that if you skip it, the relationship may fail. It is best to figure out a way to solve the problem no matter how long it takes.

The mistake many couples make in trying to come to an agreement is how they try to solve the problem. Many people are aggressive communicators, they like to yell, scream, toss insults around, don't listen, become defensive quickly or curse at each other. That's no way to live. As corny as some people think TV shows like Full House, Step by Step etc were, they taught me lessons on how to talk your problems out and not storm out of the room cursing like a drunken fool. The worse thing you can do is argue. Arguments never solve anything. As a wise man once said a debate is an exchange of knowledge, an argument is an exchange of ignorance and a relationship discussion is an exchange of feelings. (Ok I made that up) In order to build a healthy trustworthy relationship.

One of the reason people cheat is because they don't want to open up. I'm not saying you should break up with the person right away. Again talk to them about it, tell them you want them to open up more and communicate more. I've noticed, females in particular would rather express their emotions on Facebook to the world then actually talk to their boyfriend directly. That is also unhealthy for the relationship and it's airing your dirty laundry to the world. Communication is such a broad subject. It's almost impossible to condense it. I tried here to touch as many points of it, but I suggest researching Communicators and the psychological problems that are behind it.
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I am not going to give you a psychological jibber jabbery blog on why teenagers dislike church. Some things are not that complicated to understand.

I read an article about why kids leave church and I finished reading it having more questions then answers like: Why are kids leaving church? They're kids. Better question would be how are they leaving? Is a 7 year old taking his dad's keys and driving home? Are 12 year olds threatening their parents with violence if they don't leave them home? My mother would never let me stay home unless I was clearly too sick to be in public.

As far as teens are concerned. The reason they leave church is pretty simple and some may be the same reason the churches are quietly dying...

1. Lack of Spirituality This is the first thing many older church members will say about those teens who leave church. It's simple to say, but how do we fix the problem? Everyone has doubts, the problem is people would rather leave church then ask questions. They'd rather leave church or live with their doubts than talk to their pastor, church elder or youth director.

A few years ago. I attended an international Camporee. I, along with my group sat outside of our tents at around 11 pm having a late night snack. As we sat, the younger teens began asking religious question. Some very simple, others more complex. I was almost in tears, because I had known some of them for 3 or more years and never knew they had these doubts. It made me realize how inactive I was, not inactive in church, but inactive in the lives of the teens. I partially blamed myself, but then I wondered why they didn't talk to their parents about this stuff and they said "We can't. Every time we ask questions, they get mad and frustrated." Always goes back to the parents doesn't it? Anywho, it took one dark night...and food to get them to open up about their doubts. When someone gets rejected for a job due to lack of experience, they ask "How can I get experience if no one hires me?" Well, how can someone learn how to be spiritual if no one teaches them? Don't worry if parents are doing their job or not, worry about if you're doing yours.

2. Boring. Let's face it, it is difficult for teens or even adults to sit down for 3-4 hours and do nothing but listen. It's not just church, at least with me it isn't. I'm the same way in school even at work. After only an hour into my orientation and I'm all ready for my first break. It's not always a lack of spirituality, let's be honest even the most faithful christian can be seen snoozing on their pew. Wonder where the pastor went? Check the back room, he's probably there taking a nap!

Some people compare church to TV and say if you can watch TV for 5 hours, you shouldn't have a problem in church. That's a bad comparison because with TV you have different personalities, commercial breaks, food to eat during, comedy and all around entertainment. Church...let's face it, there can be 100 different people speaking and many times they all speak as if there were snipers on them ready to shoot if they mess up.  No emotion behind their words. No individuality. Of course, nervs play a major role in that too. Which makes it more of the presenter's fault then the actual church's.

 In nature humans seek entertainment, especially teens. Something that will raise their emotions instead of listening to logic and truth. That is why people like Pr. Jose Rojas is so popular among the youth. He makes jokes and adds humor. Thus keeping the attention of all listeners. He adds humor into logic and truth. Keeping listeners attention and educating them at the same time. All the church has to do is add more humor to it or the presenters could add their own personal touch. The sermons, the skits etc. I know some people will say that church is not a place to make jokes. I'm sure God has a sense of humor and as long as we don't disrespect him and cross the line, he won't mind. Others will say church is not a theater. I'm not saying to turn church into a circus or a Hollywood production, but things need to improve to keep the attention of the teens and the members in general.

3. Criticism How do you tell a baptized teen how to dress appropriately without offending them? Beats me, but it's best to say nothing until you know how. The only people that can tell teens how to dress and act are celebrities...apparently. They don't like going to church and being told what not to do, much less how to dress and lose their "Swag" status. Church does have a dress code, like school does used to have and we should obey those policies. Personally, I don't see why they make it so complicated. Dress shirt and dress pants. They come way cheaper then the latest brands for jeans and shirts. At the same time the churches (and I know mine does not do this) should understand that some teens may not have the time to iron/wash dressy clothes. or maybe they did but something caused them to change. In all fairness teens have no reason to not come well dressed or appropriately dressed to church, I understand the church in this, however the church needs to learn a way to acknowledge the issue without offending the teen...mission impossible? Yes, but it's important to make it clear to them that you are not criticizing what they wear but merely advising them on what's appropriate, especially when they stand or sit (in female cases) on stage.

4. Gossip Probably the main reason. Gossip is the number 1 member loosing, faith destroying tool Satan has come up with. It's destroyed marriages, relationships and friendships. It is not your job to warn a girl about a boy she likes or a guy about a girl he likes. It is not your job to tell others what someone was doing on a Saturday Night. It is not your job to tell others about a personal battle someone is having with temptation. Your job is to make sure that person doesn't leave God's path

1 Peter 4:15 (KJV) But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men's matters.

Leviticus 19:16 (NIV) Do not go about spreading slander among your people. ‘Do not do anything that endangers your neighbor’s life. I am the Lord.

There are many other versus on the subject. Exodus says not to spread false reports. It's one of the Ten Commandments. While I realize not all Christians are perfect, this is probably the worse one than an alcoholic Christian, because at least the drunkard doesn't take anyone else down with him. His drunken actions aren't causing teens to leave church. His drinking habits don't ruin relationships. What's your job? To simply pray for that person, reach out to others about God and work on your own problems.

5. Lack of Discipline We get up for work because we have to, truth is we don't have to, we choose to because we want/need the money. No one is forcing you to go to work, you force yourself. You have taught yourself to be responsible and be disciplined, but when it comes to church are we disciplined? We can blame others, we can blame rumors, we can blame the boringness of the church, but many times people don't go because they just don't want to get up early and go. They're too tired, it's too early and whatever else. Sometimes the reason teens don't go to church is simply because they are not disciplined enough. Work is really not as important as your salvation. Miss work and your job is on the line, miss church your life is on the line. Choose your destination.
....or how to spot a fake female profile on Facebook.

 I've had Facebook sense it's inception and as a single guy I'm skeptale. I don't have six pack abs, rugged good looks and muscles on my hair so when an attractive female (or any for that matter) messages me or adds me as a friend, I get suspicious.

After years of observing and gathering clues (nowadays people just hack into facebooks and look at log in locations, but I'd rather do things legally) I have gathered some helpful hints on how you can spot a fake account. This may be useful to guys who have a girlfriend who's trying to "set him up" to test his faithfulness.

1. Empty Profile This can be tricky since even real females have empty "about me's." I remember back on Myspace we all use to have very indepth bios. You needed to take a week off from work just to read one. On Facebook no one seems to bother. Regardless, it's not just the about me. It's also the education, work history etc. If a female has her Current city, hometown, work history, education history and about me all blank. You have reason to doubt.

 2. Year account was created By now all your friends either have a Faceook account or have told you why they don't.I highly doubt a random female who just made an account would add you. A real female who doesn't know you would be busy adding her real friends ad coworkers. Check the year the page was created if it says this year, I'd have my doubts about it.

 3. Friends The number of friends they have is irrelevant, but WHO they are is. Are they in the same country? Are they friends with any of your haters?

 4. Photos Some people are more creative than this. Some might steal a "normal" looking girls photos from Facebook or any social networking site, as well as her bio, fill out the entire profile, wait maybe a year or so to add you and add a bunch of random people to make it look convincing. In this case you look at photos. More specifically tagged photos. A real person is usually tagged in photos by real life friends and family, when they're not it's usually the clincher for me. How many photos does that person have? Do they add new ones frequently and tag anyone else who may be in them?

 5. Content What the person posts is another big factor. Some fake female accounts will post about being horny and where you can go to watch them on cam. Others may not post links but will talk more about sex than a drunken predator. When a girl sounds more like a guy than you do that's usually an indication she is one. How frequent she posts is another clue. Real females are busy. Working or in school. If a female updates her status a million times a day, she may be a fake.

 Separately, each one of these does not mean she is fake. A combination of them usually does. These are what I usually look at and can spot a fake a mile away. Have any questions about how to spot a fake, male or female?
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